"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
