You're my little dorito
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize