I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
