eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
