He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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