He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
