It's Friday. Sex?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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