if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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