Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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