Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk is a universal language darling
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