There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
