can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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