Cold hands, warm shart.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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