Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
