So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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