so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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