She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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