Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
