This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
