apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had sex on a roof
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
