how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
