just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
