'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
