take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
