I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
