I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
