I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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