marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Randomize
