whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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