I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
