I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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