sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
