At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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