my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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