so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
