fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
