the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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