I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
