Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
