tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
