so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my liver is dry heaving
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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