He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
