he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize