youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
