Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
