I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
