Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize