he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
