no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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