Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
