Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
