I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
