apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
