My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
