WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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