whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
