So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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