I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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