I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
