I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
