i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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