living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So much rum. So many feels.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
