There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
