Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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