Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize