Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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