its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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