If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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