did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
