I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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