I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
