there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize