Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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