Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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