Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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