I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
