I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
